


landscapes

by silkbonnet



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, One Shot Collection, ch 3+4 are part of the #dansenhealingficchallenge, they are so s o f t
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-01-02 20:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21167459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silkbonnet/pseuds/silkbonnet
Summary: dansen moments, mostly one shots but we'll see.





	1. Chapter 1

\--

It's late when you get back home. The mission had almost gone rouge and you'd gotten it under control at the last minute, but not without getting roughed up in the process. You've been tossed around a lot tonight so your head is pounding and you're pretty sure you have a concussion but you're home now and any brusies and bumps can wait till morning. You're exhausted.

Kelly must still be up because the lights in your apartment are still on. The mission going long meant having to miss date night and Kelly said it was okay but you've had a long standing date since you began dating 8 months ago. It's one of the things you most look foward to every week and Kara makes fun of you and says you already act like an old married couple but you don't mind. You're both so busy lately, Kelly with her patients and you with your missions. Having to pencil in dates isn't the most romantic thing ever but, date night is yours and Kelly's thing and you look forward to it every week.

You told Kelly not to wait up because you knew you would be back late and you were right. It's almost 2am and you're so tired but the sight of Kelly, fast asleep on the couch makes you smile.

She's clutching a throw pillow, with her legs tucked up under her, and she looks beautiful, wrinkled dress and all. Her face is made up and her shoes are laid out neatly next to the couch like she was waiting for you to come back but couldn't help falling asleep. She looks so peaceful and you hate to wake her but the couch is uncomfortable and and she'll be grouchy if she wakes up tomorrow all achy and sore.

You watch for a bit, because Kelly, sleepy and soft is your favorite. She's beautiful, even as she lets out a light snore and you giggle at this brilliant woman who you've found yourself with, wonder briefly about what would have happened had you not met and decide you don't like that version of your life.

You move to wake her, nudging her gently until she stirs. She wakes slowly, looks confused for a moment before she registers it's you and breaks out into an impossibly wide smile. Her face is so soft and joyful, it makes you blush, just a little, because she is beautiful and you are still floored by her even now.

"Alex," she says softly, sitting up.

"Hi, baby." Kelly's eyes crinkle as she smiles even wider.

She kisses you, then, soft and sweet and you try to apologize for missing date night but she simply pulls you down until you're halfway on her lap, kisses you again, deeply, and it's wonderful and you feel warm all the way to your toes.

You're not sure how long you stay there, wrapped up in each other. It's been a long week and you haven't gotten to see her face to face except for a quick lunch on Monday, but you have the next two days off and you plan to make the most of it.

"How was the mission? Everything work out okay?" Kelly pulls back, holds onto your arm and tries to subtly check you out for any injuries.

You hide a smile at her effort. "Remember the guy I told you about?"

She nods.

"Well, long story short: he wasn't exactly where I thought he would be and it got sticky there for a moment but we got them in the end. "

"You're such a hero," Kelly says fondly.

You just scoff as she tugs you down for another kiss.

Kelly pulls back after a moment and yawns. "Bed?"

You nod, and stand up, hold her for a moment, your arms around her waist. She blinks up at you, sleepily and you resist the urge to kiss her, start something you're both too tired for. Instead, you lead her into your room to sleep.

Getting ready for bed is a quick affair, Kelly does her skincare routine and you while you shower; you're oddly pleased that she has her things mixed with yours on the counter, a reminder of her even when she's not there. 

Getting into bed feels like heaven, soft sheets against your skin with Kelly snugggled up against you. She slides a warm hand under your shirt, pulls back when you whimper in pain.

"You're hurt," she says voice tinged with concern. She turns on the lamp, gently pulls up your shirt and frowns at the site.

You have a constellation of bruises across your stomach, nothing major but you know how it looks.

"Al, this is..."

"Not a big deal, just some bruises."

"But they look--"

"Worse than they are, okay?" You say, hoping you sound reassuring but you're tired and you're not sure you hit the mark.

Kelly is silent, just runs a gentle hand over your stomach, caresses the area around the brusises and you sink into her touch. No one has ever been this gentle with you and sometimes it takes you aback, still feels new.

"But I think you need ice, I'll get it--"

"Kelly, I'm fine."

She looks up at you and something in your face must convince her because she nods, says "okay," and carefully tugs your shirt back down.

She still looks a little unsure so you draw her to you until she's laying halfway on your chest, carefully avoiding your bruises. She sighs as you run your hands across her neck, down her back. Tucking her head under your chin you tangle your legs together, hold her tight, sensing that she needs a little physical reassurance tonight, evidence that you are here and safe.

"Okay, but tomorrow morning, you," she murmurs, "are getting an icebath. And maybe a massage, we'll see."

"Sounds nice," you say, voice thick with sleep.

Kelly lets out a huff out laughter then whispers, "goodnight." Her breath evens out as she falls asleep.

You fall asleep not long after, to the sound of her heartbeat steady and strong.

\--  



	2. back and forth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they dont fight, not really. not like this.

It starts as an argument about loading the dishwasher and just spirals from there. 

You don't know who says what, your face is hot and your heart is racing and you're standing too far apart.

She had called you dismissive, but only after you snapped at her and maybe she was speaking out of anger but it had _hurt_. You called her over-involved, said other things, harsh things you didn't really mean but had said anyway because you were so angry, wanted her to hurt as much as you hurt.

You are not an angry person but sometimes you feel this darkness, lean into it.

You didn't yell at each other but you were close.

Horrible words have been exchanged, you have said terrible things, and so has she. Standing there, gazing at each other across the room the distance feels like more than a few steps away.

You should have stopped it when the conversation started to turn but you had been tired from work and already annoyed from a minor spat with Kara and maybe you took it out on Kelly.

Kelly who is looking at you with wet eyes and crossed arms, who says, "don't," in this tiny, hurt voice when you try to touch her. 

"I'm sleeping on the couch," you hear her say, and you nod, anger draining from your bones leaving a cold type of exhaustion in it's wake. 

Kelly won't look you in the eye even as she walks past you and into the room.

You don't fight, not really, Kelly is all about conflict resolution and communicating and sure, you've had little arguments here and there but always over silly things. Not like this, never like this. You're raw and reeling and it's unfamiliar and you don't like it.

You're standing in the same spot when she returns, arms wrapped around yourself and you think, maybe you might have ruined everything. You've barely just begun, only dated for 4 months and they have been wonderful but now you've spoiled this incredible thing, probably. It's irrational, people fight, it doesn't always mean the end but you can't stop thinking it.

Kelly is making up the couch and you're still standing there. It's quiet in a way it hasn't been before, not between you two. You want to touch her, call out her name, anything but you can't make the words come out. You go back to your room instead.

Sleep doesn't come easy, in fact, it doesn't come at all.

\--

The couch is bumpy and the living room is cold. You hate sleeping alone. You've been sleeping with Alex for the past few months and you're used to a warm body beside you. You can't help it, you miss Alex. Even her cold feet that she drapes over you in bed. You never move away because even though you complain you don't mind, not really.

A tiny part of you wants to go to Alex, apologize and make up.

You push that thought far away and don't get up because you are still a little angry at her.

Alex can be aloof, and at first, you found that cute, charming even but sometimes it comes off as dismissive like she doesn't consider you at you, and it's silly, you know this but in the heat of the moment, firing biting words at each other, it felt close to the truth. 

Giving up on sleep, you groan and sit up. 

You almost yelp when you see a figure standing at the foot of the couch but it's just Alex, her dark blue PJ's masking her in the dark. 

She turns on the light, whispers, "I didn't mean to scare you."

You don't reply.

She stands there, looking shy and uncertain. You're just staring at each other and for a moment it feels like maybe you can erase everything from before. You're about to break when--

"I'm sorry," Alex whispers. She sounds as tired as you feel and you resist the urge to get up, gather her in your arms and kiss away the fight. 

"I was angry and lashing out and I just grabbed at whatever was there."

You hesitate at that, "but did you mean it?"

Alex shakes her head, emphatically. "No, I,--"

"Alex," you say and this time you cross the room, go to her. You're still not touching but you're facing each other. This close you can tell Alex is even more nervous than you thought. She's biting her lip, digging her nails into her palms. Your heart aches.

She reaches out for you and this time you let her touch you. Her hands are warm, like always and you sink into her touch as she pulls you close.

"I'm sorry," she whispers into your hair. "I was so mad, not just at you, and maybe there're some things I wanted to discuss, but I shouldn't... that wasn't the way to say it."

You nod against her.

"Me too," you mumble, "I'm sorry too."

You're just standing there, holding each other and it feels right, not quite normal but you're getting there.

"We have some things to work on don't we?" you say, pulling back. You meet her eyes and she nods, hands going to your waist.

"Yeah, we do."

You go on your tiptoes, lean up to kiss her, sigh happily when she kisses you back, holds you tight. It's been over 5 hours since you last kissed her and you've missed her so much. It still startles you, sometimes how completely your body fits with hers, how attached you are to her after only a short time.

"I know we have a lot to talk about and I do, want to talk but--"

"Not tonight," you say, suddenly feeling all 12 hours you've been awake.

"Not tonight," Alex repeats with a nod.

She takes your hand, tugs you into the bedroom and you go, easily. You lay in bed like usual but it feels a little awkward and you sigh, roll over until you're on her side, poke her.

"Alex."

"Mmm?" she isn't asleep either.

"I know we said not tonight, but--"

"But we should talk," Alex says against your chest, traces random shapes onto your stomach.

"I don't mean to hold stuff back, it's just. In my last relationship, every little thing felt like it had the potential to blow up and I know, that's not us but sometimes it's hard to remember."

You understand. You got close really fast and you learned so much about her in the beginning and you thought it would continue but, you've since realized that Alex has a way of holding back, sharing the bare minimum while making it seem like she has shared a lot. Anyone else might not notice but not you. You thought with time it would change and it has, some, but sometimes it feels like prying and you don't want to ever feel that way. Especially not with your girlfriend.

"Kelly?" Alex whispers in a small voice. 

You hate that you can hear this _fear_ in Alex's voice and you stroke her arm, kiss her wherever you can, let her know you're not upset.

"Alex, I get that. I'm not trying to change you, okay?"

She nods. Lets out a big sigh that makes you wonder briefly, about other things like her ex. You know the basics but you've been trying to be careful, haven't ventured too far into that conversation. It's definitely a conversation you need to have but perhaps one for another day.

"And I don't mean to be overbearing, I just... Want to know you. But we can do that at your pace. Just, let me in a little, okay?"

Alex is silent, not even a breath in the silence and you think, maybe she's fallen asleep but then she sits up, turns on the light and sits next to you.

She takes your face into her hands, kisses you, impossibly soft and sweet and you melt, despite yourself.

"You're not overbearing. That was a jerk thing to say and I definitely didn't mean that. I just... I lashed out."

You nod, you knew she probably didn't mean it but you still feel relief at having her confirm it.

"And I know, I hold back. I don't mean to," she bites her lip, "I'll work on it, okay?"

She seems to be holding her breath, waiting for you to answer and you tug her towards you, kiss her deep and desperate and intense. Try to convey everything you're feeling into the kiss, slide a hand underneath her shirt, sigh happily at the warm skin you find.  
  
She smiles into the kiss, rolls you over and you giggle, a little hysterically, maybe but you've just made up so you're allowed.

"Communicating is so hard," she says between kisses and you laugh.

There is still more to talk about but everything is good now. Better than good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the quote is the fic summary is by sylvia plath. in case anyone was wondering!


	3. breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you want alex, she would know what to do in this situation, she would know how to make it better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part 1  
#dansenhealingficchallenge

Kara calls you at work, and you can hear even through the phone, how frantic she is.

"Alex is in surgery," she says, _cries_, and it makes your heart drop.

She must describe her injuries but you stopped listening after 'surgery'. Your mind is racing, creating all sorts of scenarios in which Alex is gone and you need to leave, need to get to the hospital right away but you have a patient.

You finish the out the last 5 minutes of the session, counsel her as best you can, even as your heart pounds and your fingers shake because your patient is prone to panic attacks and seeing her therapist break down will probably not help. 

The drive to the hospital is long.

Everything feels hazy, like a dream and you can't quite help yourself, you start to cry, pathetic little sobs as you park and the parking attendant waves you through without a second glance.

Kara, Eliza, Lena and J'onn are in the waiting room congregated together like a tiny church and it makes something inside you break because someone is missing. _Alex_ is missing and your eyes burn and a fresh batch of tears fall. 

Eliza gives you a hug and her eyes are red but she's not crying. Lena looks a little lost but she's there and that matters. You hold out your hand to her, give her a squeeze and she smiles back, a sad little smile.

"I'll get us coffee," she says, gently letting go of your hand.

Kara is standing by the vending machine and turns towards you with a tear-streaked face.

"Kelly," is all she gets out before she breaks down, pulls you into a hug, and you hold each other, cry silently together.

Kara lets you go, wipes messily at her face and tries to say something but all she gets out are hiccups which lead to more tears.

J'onn steps in, leads Kara to a chair and pulls you down a few seats away. 

"Was it the DEO? Is everyone okay? Are you okay?" you ask, willing your voice to come out steady.

You want to ask about Alex but even thinking her name activates something sharp and terrified inside of you so you focus on something, anything else.

"Kelly..." J'onn says, and you don't like the look on his face. "This wasn't a mission."

Eliza joins you, holds your hand. "Have you seen the news lately?"

You shake your head. The last time you used your phone was before work, a silly text reminding her of date night, to get the right wine. It seems so stupid now and you feel ridiculous, for how important it seemed at the time. You hadn't even signed it with 'love you' or the silly heart emoji you tend to use because you were in a rush and yes, you were a little annoyed at her for being late last time and now you might never get to be annoyed at Alex, never get to be anything with Alex ever again and oh _god_.

You don't realize you've said it out loud until you feel a hand on your shoulder. Eliza pulls you to her, crushes you against her chest and you can't really breathe but you need it, need to feel grounded because you are spiraling.

"What happened?" you whisper.

"There was an attack on 8th, random gunman. Alex was around the corner on lunch and still in her gear so she apprehended him and the cops got there quick but he had a knife and--"

J'onn must see your face because he stops, runs a hand across his head.

Eliza has let go of you but now she's holding onto your hand and she's squeezing your fingers really hard but you let her because she needs the contact more than you, you think.

"She saved people Kelly. So many people. It would have-- god, it would have turned out so differently if she hadn't stepped in."

You laugh, hysterical and rough and wish for one terrible moment that Alex hadn't gotten involved. It's a horrid thing to think, maybe but right now your girlfriend is laying in an OR and you don't know what's going to happen to her and deep down you're glad she saved people because that's who Alex is, and of course she would be the hero. But she is laying there with very real injuries and you know that there is a possibility that she might not-

You push those thoughts away, focus on J'onn telling you the rest of the story and updating you on Alex's injuries. You nod at all the right places and say thanks to Lena when she returns with coffee. 

It's almost two hours later when a doctor comes out.

Kara and Eliza go up to him immediately and you want to too, but you feel glued to your seat. James has been texting you, after his initial call to make sure you were okay and you re-read his texts, instead of doing anything because it feels like all you can do. 

You know what this is. You're having a traumatic reaction and all the work you've done throughout the years is quickly becoming undone. It's been so long since your fiancee and you've overcome so much, but in one moment it feels like you're right back there.

You want Alex, she would know what to do in this situation, she would know how to make it better, how to bring everyone together because even now, especially now you feel like you are outside of it all. It's been almost a year and you are very much a part of the family but sometimes... 

It's crazy, your deepest fears making themselves known and taking over but you feel like maybe you shouldn't be here, as stupid as it sounds. You don't have time to dig deeper because Kara turns to you, gestures for you to come over.  
  
The doctor pauses when you go and Kara folds her hands, says, "this is her girlfriend, please go on."

Eliza puts a hand on your elbow, and this time it's for both of you.

The doctor is a bit monotone and in any other circumstance it would annoy you but you find it weirdly reassuring. He says Alex is out of surgery, that her lungs(pneumothorax) are fixed and her ribs are fractured but fine. They're watching her brain because of the swelling and they're not sure when she will wake up but she will and that's all you need. You deflate in relief and let out a loud breath.

Alex will be fine. Alex is fine. _Alex, Alex, Alex._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little two shot inspired by the most recent ep. i loved how they resolved it but then i thought, hm how would it be if she was  
really hurt? and this came about!


	4. breathe, pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelly has been so good at taking care of you that you almost forgot that she needs to, in a way, to reassure herself.

You are knitting a scarf; it's not a very good scarf and the only person who would appreciate it is lying unconscious next to you. It's dark blue, Alex's favourite color and you didn't start making it with Alex in mind, really you didn't start making it with anyone in mind. James had jokingly suggested it (_maybe do something instead of staring at alex, sis, crochet, knit, build a damn shed but stop stressing!_) so, you had bought some needles, watched four tutorials online and never looked back.

It's been 5 days and Alex still hasn't woken up, but she's stable so you're hoping for the best and trying to stop ruminating over the worst. 

Everyone has been wonderful, covering you with so much love and sweetness and you have had no time to feel like an outsider because they have been so kind.

Eliza, who makes endless casseroles, and basically forced feeds them to you also hugs you tight every time you see her. You pass the time by exchanging stories about Alex. Your favourites are the ones of Alex as a kid, and even though you know some of them already, you listen and laugh until your stomach hurts. 

Kara sits with you too, and you switch between serious, long conversation to jokes and batter. You've always had a good relationship but you have been brought undeniably closer because of this. Last night she had pulled you aside, told you how glad she was that Alex had someone like you in her life, actually said the words 'thank you for loving my sister," which was sappy but had made both of you cry. You had slept over at her place that night, squished in her huge bed with Kara in the middle of you and Lena.

And yes, you had cried, when they fell asleep because it was nice, but still a lot and you wanted Alex. 

Even the DEO family had tried to make you feel better; J'onn and Brainy telling you in their own awkward ways, how happy they were that Alex had you which was nice.

Only, you still feel restless. You just don't know what to do. You are a pusher, effective and fast are your thing and yet, you've been sitting for almost a week by Alex's bedside, whispering to her like she's awake and trying to squash your irrational disappointment when she doesn't wake up and answer.

That first night was the hardest, having to go in and see Alex weighed down with tubes and wires and bandages. She had a few scrapes on her forehead and bruise down the right side of her arm but she otherwise looked okay. She still doesn't look like _your_ Alex, all pale and silent but she is, somewhere under hospital sheets and wires, still there.

The tubes came out earlier today and everyone from Eliza to Nia to Vazquez had gathered in anticipation even though the doctor had said the likelihood of wakefulness was low. She hadn't woken up and you weren't the only one trying to pretend you weren't crying.

You miss Alex so much it feels unreal.

There is so much you have gotten used to, taken for granted in a way. You want to tell her about the weather, the burst of sunny days you've had which would be perfect for riding or how you've been watching that motorcycle vlogger she likes even though you think he's boring and pretentious, just because she likes him.

You even miss her cold feet. Sleeping without Alex isn't new, she works late and more than often you wake to her slipping into bed but this time, it was different. She hadn't come back and you woke up multiple times, forgetting that she wasn't going to be coming to bed.

* * *

You're halfway through the world's ugliest scarf when there's a small groan from your left side. You look up immediately. It's Alex, blinking and groaning.

Alex.

Awake and groaning and

_awake._

You gape at her for a moment because you have been waiting and waiting for this to be real and it is and you're frozen.

Alex says "kellliugh?" and you think it's supposed to be your name but she doesn't quite make it.

The tears come anyway because Alex is awake. You rush to her side.

Rubbing her arm, you try to smile through your tears, say, "hi, Alex."

Eliza walks in with Kara just then, and they also stop and gape then shuffle over to her. You pull back, let them cover her in kisses and hugs and updates because Alex is awake and you have all the time in the world.

A doctor appears, probably because of all the commotion and makes you all leave as she checks Alex's vitals and performs some tests. Everyone's jittery and teary and you can't stop hugging each other.

When you come back Alex is smiling a little too much and you're pretty sure her meds have been upped. 

Eliza and Kara tell her about everything she's missed and you hang back, let them get their fill. Until Alex calls for you.

"Kelly?" she murmurs soft and hopeful and it makes your heart flutter as you walk over to her. 

"Hey," you whisper, patting her hair back from her face.

She smiles at you then, and it's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.

Eliza and Kara file out, say they're going to grab some lunch and you nod, grateful for the time alone.

"Oh, bring me back a burger. A big one!" Alex slurs and they laugh as they file out.

"You're starving huh?" you tease.

Alex nods emphatically. "So hungry."

She closes her eyes for a second then opens them again. "I missed you."

You really try not to cry because it's not about you, you're not the hurt one here, but Alex is being so thoughtful even though she's the one in pain.

"I missed you, too," you say and the smile you give her is genuine. 

"I'm sorry," Alex says, blinking slowly.

You try to remember anything she could have done but then--

"I should have left it to the cops, I know but I couldn't just let him--"

You place a light hand on her cheek, brush away the tears that are gathered at the corners and press a light kiss to her lips. It's been _days_ and it feels so good. Having her in your arms again feels good.

"Alex," you sigh. "Al, please don't apologize. You were amazing. And I wasn't there but I'm so glad you were because you saved so many people.

You're both crying now, and you need a tissue, but it's alright because Alex is nodding and smiling, that one smile she saves just for you and you are still terrified of losing her but you haven't lost her today and you try to remember that.

She tries to sit up and you give her a look until she lies down again.

"I just wanted another kiss," she grumbles and you give her one, smile into it and feel her do the same.

She pouts as you pull back so you go back in for another and sigh happily as she runs her fingers through your hair.

"Lay with me?" she asks, and you gaze into sleepy eyes, you see _your_ Alex, worn but alert and you can't refuse her.

Climbing into the bed is easy and you want to make yourself small and still but Alex nudges you, buries herself into your side and you kiss her forehead.

"I love you," you say low and quiet because she's falling asleep but you want to remind her, anyway. Pulling back, she grins and tangles your fingers together.

"I love you too."

* * *

Everyone has been perfect, your mom, Kara, Kelly, even everyone at the DEO. But all the care is starting to feel a little suffocating. Your mom has finally moved back home and you are so thankful because you finally get to spend time at home with Kelly without your mother hovering around.

And oh, are you ready for some time with Kelly. You haven't had sex in almost two weeks, making out like teenagers instead, careful of your wounds and your ribs but you got the super embarrassing 'go-ahead' from your doc so, you're ready for a night in.  
  
Kelly arrives just as you've finished with the last touches on the apartment. It's not much, just candles and fairy lights but she beams at you like you've taken her to Paris so maybe you've done alright.

She kisses you hello, almost as tall as you in her work heels and you pull her close. She smells like lavender and coconut and it's familiar and sweet and you are so in love.

"When did you plan this?" Kelly asks between kisses.

"Between the Morning Show and my third nap. It was exhausting."

You mean this as a joke but she pulls back, looks up at you in concern. You just pull her back in, hold her tight and let her tuck herself into your chest.

"I'm kidding. It took me maybe 10 minutes once I knew what I wanted to do."

Her nod vibrates through your chest and you wonder if maybe you should have been a little more attentive to her during these last few weeks. 

Her reaction isn't unusual. All week, you noticed that Kelly kind of ... flinches at anything remotely strenuous. Like this morning when you burned yourself making waffles. Usually, she would laugh at your non-existent cooking skills, and you would rib each other on being the worst at cooking but this time you'd had to talk her down from breaking out the first aid kit.

It was a little ridiculous but you think you know where it's coming from. Really, you should have brought it up earlier but you have been recovering.

You want to file this conversation away for later because you made dinner, and it's actually edible (you made Kara taste it) and you don't want to spoil it. But one look at Kelly's face and you know you need to talk this out. 

You're leading her to the dining table, holding her hand and not really watching where you're going when you bump into the corner of the table.

Kelly is at your side at once, patting you down and she won't look up, just holds onto your arm like you're going to disappear if she doesn't. You let her lead you to the couch, even tolerate her sitting you down and throwing a blanket over you because you understand why she's doing it.

Kelly has been so good at taking care of you that you almost forgot that she needs to, in a way, to reassure herself. You've been so lost in a whirlwind of recovery and attention that you forgot about her needs.

She's pulled a pillow out from god knows where and is actually fluffing it when you call out to her. 

"Kelly."

She doesn't stop.

"Hey," you say taking the pillow from her.

"Hey," she says back.

It sounds brittle and your heart aches.

Kelly looks so tired all of a sudden, eyes wide and scared, and you want to just pull her close and reassure her that you're here, that you're alive and safe and not going anywhere.

"Kel, I'm-- look I should have been more attentive, I just I didn't consider that you were still hurting and that's on me."

"Alex--"

"No, wait, just. Let me finish okay?"

Kelly nods, shuffles closer to you on the couch but she's still too far away. You reach over to grab her hand, let out a breath when she runs her thumbs over your fingers.

"I know you've been through hell, and I also know how much my job scares you and you have been so brave and _strong _about all that. But this, this was different. And if my running headfirst into trouble brought back old memories, then I'm so sorry. I should have been more thoughtful."

Kelly looks up at you, eyes shining. She sniffles and you pull her close, tuck a stray hair behind her ear.

"I'm here. I'm right here."

You take her hand, use it to pat yourself down. It's exaggerated and clumsy and she huffs out a laugh, a soft quiet thing but it's there and you smile too.

You're both quiet for a moment, just holding each other. You wonder briefly if you should pick this up tomorrow because maybe Kelly isn't up to it but then she looks up.

"I was _terrified, _Alex."

"I know, and I'm sorr-"

"No," she caresses your cheek, and you sink into it. "Don't be sorry. Al, you are brave and amazing and what you did was, I don't even know, literally heroic.

You blush at that because everyone's been saying that but it doesn't feel like that, it just feels natural, like an extension of the job. You don't say anything though, just let Kelly finish.

"But as great as it was, Alex you were hurt. And I was too, and I tried so hard to pretend it was okay but all this it's brought up some memories for me, obviously and I don't want to put that on you but I've been running on fear this whole week."

Your heart sinks because how could you not have noticed? You just assumed her extra caution was Kelly being precise and you can't believe you didn't pick up on it earlier.

"Kelly," you say and your voice breaks because she looks so small and has retreated into herself.

"I'm just so scared because logically I know you're here but my brain still needs to catch up. And I know I should have a handle on this now but Alex..."

Whatever she's going to say is muffled against your neck. You pull her into a fierce hug, run your hands down her back and hold her there until she's breathing again. You feel tears in your neck, bite your lip against your own emotions, threatening to overtake you.

"You don't have to have a handle on it Kelly. There's no timeline for grief."

You're using one of her own lines against her but it's on purpose. She looks up at you, smiles, it's watery, but it's there.

"I know."

"And I was in real danger. You didn't imagine that. That's scary, it's fair that you feel this way okay?"

"I know," Kelly says again. This time with more conviction. "What if I feel this way forever though? Like if it doesn't go away? How will we... how do we work through that?"

You swallow hard when you register what she's trying to say because it makes you hurt but you move past it because she not trying to hurt you, not really. She's working through her pain and you're going to help her, your own fears be damned.

Kelly is leaning away from you now, looking out of the window, staring at the sky. 

You take a breath. "When you met me, I was just half a person. I was still hurting from my own wounds and you helped me heal. And I want to do that for you. I c_an _do that for you. And I'm not saying I'll get it right every time or that I won't mess up but Kelly, please let me be there for you.

Kelly turns to you, finally, crawls into your lap and you wrap your arms around her, run your hands through her hair match your breathing with hers.

"What if I'm scared every day? What then?"

"Then we talk every day until you're not. And you can cover the house in bubble wrap and get a thousand first aid kits and I'll even help. Because Kelly," you hold her face in your hands, wipe away stray tears, "you're it for me."

She beams at you, noses into your chest and your shirt is absolutely ruined with tears but you don't care because you have Kelly and she has you there is so much shit to work through and you will, you just know it.

It's hasn't even been a year but you're smitten, so gone and you want her to know that, need her to feel secure enough to tell you anything.

"You're it for me too," Kelly whispers, all shy and adorable and you can't help it you pull her in, kiss her messy and desperate and sigh happily when she kisses you back.

"It'll take time," she mumbles hesitantly against your lips.

"It will," you reply, with more confidence than you feel.

"But I don't want to do any of this without you, Alex. And I know what I signed up for. I just forget how real it all is sometimes is all." Kelly bites her lip, "god I am in _so_ deep."

You grin at that, even if she doesn't really mean it as a joke because Kara had said the same thing about you not even a week ago and you know Kelly loves you but it's always wonderful to be reminded.

"What?" 

"Nothing. Just imagining our place all wrapped up in bubble wrap, is all."

"I might just do that y'know," Kelly says with a mock huff and you laugh because you're back on solid ground and she's making jokes and laughing and you never want this to end.

Kelly tugs on your sweater until you're halfway down the couch and then very carefully lifts it up. She stares at the scar on your chest, runs a gentle hand around the area then lets out a long sigh.

"You're here."

You nod then repeat it. "I'm here."

"I'm so glad," she says and for a minute, you think she's going to cry again because her voice breaks but she only pulls you down for a kiss, gentle and soft and you sigh when she slides warm hands under your shirt, opens her mouth, lets you deepen the kiss.

This is not how you saw your night going but you're all in.

The groan you give when Kelly pulls back is only half-serious and it makes her laugh. It's a good, solid laugh and you know, you'll have more of these talks in the future, it's inevitable with your job, hell, with your life. Right now though, you're fine.

The oven dings and suddenly you remember that you actually made an entire dinner, with dessert and everything. 

"Is that dinner?" Kelly asks, sitting up.

"Yep. I did a whole thing all by myself." 

"But babe, I thought this was supposed to be a nice surprise?" Kelly jokes and you poke her stomach, laugh with her as she descends into giggles. 

Standing up, you hold your hand out and she takes it, holds onto you a little tight as you walk to the dining room but you don't mind.

You'll never mind. 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> used some dialogue from the latest ep because it was so good!

**Author's Note:**

> i don't even watch supergirl like that but they are adorable and i just had to write something. leave a prompt if you want :)  
(forgive any mistakes, edited quickly by me while also writing(avoiding) a paper)


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